Stonewalling is a tactic employed by people of all types, but it is most commonly used by those who have a dismissive or dominating attitude. Individuals who may resort to such tactics have learned to employ these responses as a means of controlling their environment or those around them.
Individuals who use stonewalling can range from the passive-aggressive type who stops talking and avoids any type of interaction to the hostile character who puts up a brick wall of refusal to deal with the situation.
In addition to this, those who utilize stonewalling often have difficulty resolving conflicts, as they don’t want to compromise or engage in discussions that can lead to a resolution. Stonewalling is primarily used as a means of simply shutting out another person’s ideas, arguments, concerns, or demands.
What causes a person to Stonewall?
Stonewalling is a common defense mechanism people may use in order to avoid conflict or difficult conversations. It often involves refusing to communicate or giving a non-committal response in order to avoid difficult conversations.
It could be due to fear of being wrong or judged, difficulty expressing emotions, unresolved trauma, learned behavior from childhood, or feeling overwhelmed by the current situation.
Fear of being wrong or judged can cause a person to stonewall. Many people become overwhelmed by the fear of being wrong or judged while discussing a particular topic. In order to avoid the feelings of vulnerability or inadequacy, they opt to withhold conversation.
Difficulty in expressing emotions can also cause a person to stonewall. Someone who finds it difficult expressing how they feel, either verbally or physically, are more likely to simply shut down and remain silent.
Unresolved trauma can lead to an inability to express feelings or respond to conversation as well. Traumatic experiences lead many to believe that their opinions are not important or that their feelings will be ignored or criticized.
Learned behavior from childhood can be another cause for stonewalling. Someone who grew up in an environment with frequent conflict, where emotions were not expressed or constructively addressed, can lead to developing the habit of stonewalling as a defense mechanism.
Lastly, feeling overwhelmed by the current situation can be a reason for stonewalling as well. When someone feels overwhelmed or unable to process all the information, they may simply choose to shut down and avoid further conversation.
Is stonewalling a form of control?
Yes, stonewalling is a form of control. Stonewalling is a way to manipulate or control a situation or conversation by rejecting or avoiding communication. It involves cutting off communication by leaving the area, going silent, and not making eye contact or responding to questions.
In the context of relationships, stonewalling can be a form of emotional or psychological abuse as it can be used to exercise power and control over another person. It can be damaging to the relationship as it creates an atmosphere of distrust, frustration, and resentment.
Stonewalling does not allow for open communication and can lead to a lack of understanding and connection between the two people.
Is stonewalling a personality disorder?
No, stonewalling is not considered to be a personality disorder; however, it can be a byproduct of certain personality disorders. Stonewalling is a more general pattern of communication which is often seen in individuals who lack the ability to respond to and reflect on emotions.
Individuals who practice stonewalling are likely to avoid discussing difficult topics, rarely show empathy, and deflect difficult conversations in order to avoid dealing with emotions and difficult topics.
Stonewalling can be a sign of underlying anxiety or a lack of social and relationship skills, as well as being a form of passive-aggressive behavior. Personality disorders, on the other hand, are broader mental health issues which are typically characterized by a long-standing pattern of maladaptive behaviors, distorted thoughts, and disturbed emotions that interfere with one’s life.
Common personality disorders include borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder, among others, and all involve more maladaptive and pervasive patterns of behavior than those seen with stonewalling.
How do you break stonewalling?
Breaking stonewalling in a relationship can be a difficult and uncomfortable process, but it is possible to break the cycle in order to foster communication and understanding. Communication is key in breaking stonewalling because it helps couples to identify and address the underlying issues that are causing the stonewalling.
The first step is to de-escalate the situation by calming down and engaging in self-care. Take a few moments—by yourself or with each other—to separate yourselves from the situation. Once you’ve both taken the time to find a calm, reasonable emotional state, you can begin to communicate.
Rather than talking about the immediate context of the argument, take a step back and talk about the issues behind the stonewalling. Talk about what made you feel the need to engage in this behavior and how it might have led to the issue at hand.
If one or both of you is blocking communication and unwilling to talk, consider taking breaks to gather thoughts and ensure that both of you have an opportunity to talk.
It can also be helpful to look for warning signs and triggers, so you are able to catch and address potential stonewalling in the future. The key is to be open and honest with each other, to be willing to try and understand each other, and to keep the lines of communication open at all times.
What is a stonewaller personality?
A stonewaller personality refers to someone who is highly resistant to gaining insight into their own thoughts, feelings and behaviours. This person is usually quite withdrawn and does not allow themselves to be vulnerable with others, instead pushing them away due to their difficulty in trusting others.
This behaviour creates a barrier between the stonewaller and their relationships. They may be closed off and unwilling to communicate, leaving those around them feeling confused and frustrated. People with a stonewaller personality are typically perfectionists and have a need for absolute control over their emotions, which can lead to feelings of anxiety when faced with social situations.
In addition, they may also be very hard on themselves and suffer from low self-esteem. As a result, they may express feelings of anger or resentment when faced with difficult situations or when feeling under pressure.
It is likely that this person has a deep fear of getting close to others, as they are fearful of being judged or rejected. To help the stonewaller open up, it is important to provide a warm and supportive environment, where they may feel comfortable expressing themselves.
Regularly engaging in open and honest dialogue keeps communication lines active, whilst also validating this person’s feelings and reassuring them that they are heard, seen and accepted.
Is stonewalling the silent treatment?
Stonewalling, or the silent treatment, is a kind of emotional response from one person to another to indicate displeasure or disagreement, or as a form of communication in which one person ignores the other.
It can be used as a form of punishment, an attempt to manipulate a person or situation, or an attempt to avoid one’s feelings. It can also occur as a result of a person feeling overwhelmed by a situation, feeling powerless to change something, or feeling they cannot express themselves.
The silent treatment involves withholding conversation, acknowledgement, or any kind of communication in response to another person’s expression of feelings, opinions, thoughts, or actions. This may be a deliberate attempt to undermine the other person by not engaging in conversation or responding to them.
Its purpose is usually to exert power and control and signal displeasure.
It is important to note that stonewalling is a form of abuse and should not be accepted as normal behavior. If one is the recipient of such treatment, it is important to look for support from other people and resources, and to know that it is not acceptable behaviour and that it should not be tolerated.
Why does a narcissist stonewalls you?
A narcissist stonewalls you as a way of avoiding responsibility or as a form of manipulation. Narcissists may stonewall in order to control the conversation or to avoid facing their own shortcomings.
They might also stonewall in order to get back at you for something you have done. Finally, they may stonewall in an attempt to avoid having to confront their own feelings of insecurity or inadequacy.
In other words, a narcissist stonewalls as a way of avoiding difficult conversations, painful emotions, or uncomfortable issues. It is a form of psychological manipulation that can have damaging consequences for a relationship if it is not addressed and dealt with in a healthy way.
Why is stonewalling so toxic?
Stonewalling is a toxic behavior in relationships because it involves shutting someone out and refusing to communicate with them. It can create a sense of hopelessness and helplessness in the person who feels that their opinions and feelings are not being heard or respected.
Stonewalling leads to the breakdown of communication and can prevent a resolution from being reached. It also sends a message that the person who is stonewalling does not care about the feelings or opinions of their partner or the relationship.
Stonewalling can also be very damaging to a relationship because it undermines trust, creates a sense of distance between the two people, and can make it more difficult to resolve any issues that might arise in the future.
Furthermore, when one person in the relationship habitually engages in stonewalling, it can cause the other person to feel dismissed, devalued, and ignored. This ultimately leads to the preservation of the power imbalance in the relationship, which is harmful and makes it difficult to maintain a healthy balance.
In addition, stonewalling can lead to increased stress, decreased self-esteem, and feelings of anger and betrayal, all of which can have a negative effect on the relationship.
What is an example of stonewalling in a relationship?
Stonewalling in a relationship is one partner consistently disregarding their partner’s opinions, ideas, concerns, and emotions. This behavior can often set in motion a destructive cycle of criticism and defensiveness since, if one partner’s needs are consistently ignored, it can lead to feelings of frustration and alienation, while the other partner may feel unappreciated and helpless.
An example of stonewalling in a relationship might be if one partner frequently refuses to engage in a conversation or just shuts down entirely when their partner speaks. This could be done through body language such as turning away or crossing their arms or through verbal responses such as short, monosyllabic answers or simply refusing to respond.
This type of behavior can be very damaging as it can undermine trust in a relationship and cause feelings of loneliness and rejection in the partner who is on the receiving end of the stonewalling.