We humans are complex creatures and our motivations can be hard to understand. Oftentimes, we may want someone we can’t have because of how great the chase feels. When such an individual is deemed “unattainable”, it makes them all the more desirable in our eyes.
For some people, there is an intense satisfaction that comes from attaining something no one else has, and that can be a powerful motivator.
In addition, when someone is off limits, it can immediately stir up our emotions and make us feel alive. It can make us feel out of control and can create a sense of mystery and intrigue. This can tap into our more primitive nature, triggering adrenaline and often leading us to take risks we would not take otherwise.
So, while it may not be the most logical decision, wanting someone we can’t have is usually based on psychological and primal urges, as well as the need to feel alive and experience emotions in a way we don’t often get to.
Why am I attracted to someone I can’t have?
It is not uncommon to be attracted to someone you can’t have. This can be due to a variety of factors. On a basic level, people are driven by the pursuit of pleasure and avoid experiences or situations that can lead to pain.
When someone is unattainable, they become more desirable and attractive. Moreover, people are often curious and intrigued by things that are outside of their reach. The excitement of the chase may draw them toward someone they can’t have.
In addition, the familiarity of unrequited love may be comforting and allow us to accept difficult feelings of longing and desire without judgment. Feelings of desire, attraction, and admiration can increase our feelings of self-worth which provides us with emotional validation.
When it is not possible to reach out to someone, we feel safe and in control. We recognize that we can only go as far as our boundaries will allow.
Finally, humans are often drawn to what is forbidden or viewed as risky or dangerous. This type of behavior is sometimes referred to as the ‘forbidden fruit effect.’ When the reward of pursuing someone we can’t have is great, our brain may release dopamine and other ‘feel-good’ neurochemicals that can lead to feelings of attraction and pleasure.
Ultimately, understanding why we are attracted to someone we can’t have can help us make better decisions in the future.
Can you stop yourself from being sexually attracted to someone?
Yes, it is possible to stop yourself from being sexually attracted to someone. Ultimately, emotions, attractions, and especially sexual attractions, are all within our control. One method to stop yourself from feeling sexually attracted to someone is to focus on their shortcomings, faults, or other attributes that you dislike.
Additionally, it helps to think logically and realistically about the situation; consider whether this person is actually a good match for you long-term and not just a fleeting sexual attraction. Other strategies can include refocusing and redirecting your thoughts and energies to something else that interests you, such as a book, or engaging in a physical activity that curbs cravings and helps to distract your mind.
Finally, it also helps to build self-confidence and practice self-compassion; understanding that we all have attractions and that it is human nature to be sometimes attracted to someone – even if it is not in our best interest – can help take away the power of the urges themselves.
Can you be sexually attracted to someone but not emotionally?
Yes, it is possible to be sexually attracted to someone but not emotionally. This is sometimes referred to as “physical attraction” or “purely physical attraction.” This can occur for a variety of reasons, but is most commonly associated with people who may have an idealized version of what an attractive person looks like.
In these cases, the person is attracted to the physical appearance of the individual, but does not feel a deep emotional connection with them. This can also be seen in people who are committed to someone in a monogamous relationship, but have a strong physical attraction to someone else.
In this case, they may be sexually attracted to the other person, but ultimately choose to remain loyal to their partner due to their emotional connection.
What is it called when you are only sexually attracted to someone you have a connection with?
The expression for being sexually attracted only to someone with whom you have a strong emotional connection is called demisexuality. Demisexual people are those who only experience sexual attraction when they’ve formed an emotional connection with someone.
They may not even experience it when that connection is formed. It’s important to note that demisexuality is on a spectrum, and not everyone experiences it the same way. Unlike many other sexual orientations, demisexuality is often less about what gender or kind of person someone is attracted to and more about the other person’s characteristics and qualities.
To put it simply, demisexual individuals need to form a strong emotional connection in order to feel sexual attraction, rather than feeling sexual attraction right away like some other sexualities.
Is it normal to not always be sexually attracted to your partner?
Yes, it is normal to not always be sexually attracted to your partner. While being in a long-term relationship can heighten feelings of closeness and intimacy, sexual attraction can come and go over time.
People’s libidos, in general, fluctuate, and this is natural and normal. This, in turn, can impact how we feel about our partner. When sexual attraction ebbs, you may feel less desire or interest in engaging in sexual activities with your partner.
This doesn’t mean the relationship is in trouble, though. It’s important to talk to your partner about any changes in attraction, create an open and honest dialogue and work together to find out what works for both of you.
Rekindling the spark can be possible with effort and communication. Intimacy and not just sex can also be an important part of a relationship, which can be explored. If a lack of attraction persists on one or both sides, seeking therapy together may be beneficial.
What is yearning for someone?
Yearning for someone is an intense desire or longing to be with them. It can be a feeling of love, admiration, or even longing for a certain feeling you once had in their company. It could be a romantic yearning or a platonic one; either way, it expresses a strong emotional attachment to the person.
Yearning can manifest itself through thoughts of the person, seeking out their presence, or simply imagining how life would be if they were around. Yearning is often characterized by wistfulness, but it can also be constructive and inspiring.
If the person is far away, it can help to focus on what you appreciate in them, write them a letter, or think of activities that remind you of them.
Can you force yourself to stop having feelings for someone?
It can be difficult to stop having feelings for someone, especially if the person is important to you and you’ve developed a strong emotional connection. However, it is possible to lessen or change the way you feel.
A few tips that might help are to take time away from the person, to focus on self-care, to distance yourself emotionally, to talk to trusted friends and family, and to make a concerted effort to channel your energy and focus on other people and things.
Taking space and time to practice self-care–like getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating healthy, and engaging in activities that bring you joy–can be particularly helpful in allowing you to clear your mind and gain perspective.
It’s also important to remember that feelings are temporary, and that instead of trying to suppress the way you feel, you can focus on learning from your emotions and using them to become a better version of yourself.